#Watching the clock how to

That felt more powerful to me than forcing myself to relive the darkness by watching the clock and letting some of that darkness in. To eat snacks and snuggle with my husband. For me, this year on the sad anniversaries that surround February 4th for our family, I chose to engage with my children. I also think it’s important for me to make the choice each and every day to live. That is a part of the process too, and I respect that and validate that when the waves of grief crash heavy on the shores.

I intend to keep praying for her as long as I’m alive. It is horrible and awful and it will always be horrible and awful that darkness won that day.īut we don’t have to keep letting the darkness win each year on that night. The other big thing is that two years ago, when my aunt died, a very deep darkness won. One, it made the night much more tolerable. For me, that meant watching a show with JP and eating chips and salsa and microwave s’mores.Īnd I honestly think that was the best decision I could have made. Every year I have the same, during New Years Eve.

We both decided that this year we wanted to try to have a normal evening, and to intentionally not watch the clock and instead choose to engage in some self-care. While I watching the clock I think back what the year has brought me, standing still on the sad things and. I shared that it was hard for me to not watch the clock and she said the same. So this year, I called my mom to check in and we talked about our plans for the evening and how it was weird to decide what we were going to do and how we would spend our time. But also, the decision to watch the clock last year made me feel extra sad. We were able to piece together a timeline of what happened, and a lot of “this is when she made that decision” “this was her last communication” types of things.Īnd because we have that timeline, it’s been very tempting for me to ‘watch the clock’ on the anniversary dates, to remember what she was going through at the exact moments she was going through them. In the weeks after we lost her, I became a detective in the worst sort of way. We have a few anniversaries… the date she died, the next day when we found out she died…and a few more along the way as well.

#Watching the clock how to

It was something I had been dreading… the lead up to that date is always tough, and then figuring out how to navigate the day itself and the days surrounding it hasn’t been easy. This week, we had the second anniversary of the day we lost my aunt to suicide.